Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Sexual G.P.

My dearest Minions,

As promised, I have a pleasant guest today on my blog.

Everyone, Meet Sexual G.P.

Sexual G.P. is a very unique Guinea Pig living at the pet store I work at. I was first introduce to him earlier this summer when I first got the job. He was a lone guinea pig in the guinea pig pen waiting for a doe-eyed child to whisk him away to an obnoxious and overbearing home. One of the other employees knew I had a growing attachment to him. The day came when a family asked to inspect Sexual G.P. for adoption, and so I went to tell Bart (other employee) the news so he could open up the GP cage.

Bart: I hope they only have one GP.
Me: Why do you say that?
Bart: Well. He doesn't exactly get along well with other guinea pigs. He is sensitive. He fights with them... HE IS JUST. TOO. SEXUAL!!

And then he walked away, as if what he said was not life changing for me. Naturally, I busted out laughing (I'll tell you more Bart stories later, the personality of this kid is pure gold). From that day forth, Sexual G.P. was his name, and he laid like a pile in his pink igloo like the sexual GP master that he was.

A few weeks later, I came to notice that Sexual G.P. was missing. It was a sad few days without him there, but then one day, a mother and her two children came in with a GP return. She said he wasn't eating and they were getting concerned.
LOW AND BEHOLD, IT WAS THE SEXUAL G.P. I have theories as to why he was not eating, the main one being he missed me so much that he lost his appetite.

Needless to say, Sexual G.P. is still being housed at the pet store, but in a type of "quarantine" room because obviously, he is too sexual for the other guinea pigs.

I was checking up on him the other day with another employee:
Me: Is Sexual G.P. still in the back?
Her: Who???
Me: The sexual guinea pig. Sexual G.P.
Her: OHHHH, The horny pig. Yeeeup, still in the back.

Horny Pig. Who says shit like that? Hilarious.

There you go, my Minions. A little rodent humor for your day. I still need more on this bandwagon! Spread the love, my people. I have much more coming for you.