The Wheelchair.

My friend, Hannah, texted me yesterday that her neighbor was having a garage sale and that a wheelchair was up for sale. We both concurred that we should indeed snag that delicious find right up. We both ended up having to work for the entire evening, so we became hopeful that it would be there the next day. Whilst waiting for the 24 hours to be up, I had ventured out to think of a few reasons why we needed a wheel chair.

1. Part of a Halloween costume.

2. Throne for sitting on in my future classrooms. I'd have to make sure that the desks were far enough apart so I could wheel through the rows.

3. Too explicit.

4. Too explicit.

5. TV Chair. You can roll yourself to kitchen and then back to room without moving your butt. Would have to make all rooms handicap accessible.

6. Pick up guys; every guy wants to experiment with a hot paraplegic. (Who actually isn't a hot paraplegic.)

Hannah agreed that these were all awesome reasons, and it fueled our fire to get the wheelchair even more.

So, this morning as I was getting my beauty sleep, Hannah called me and told me that she gave her cousin money to go get the wheelchair, and that I needed to bother her cousin incessantly so that she would do it.
I started to text Brie, the cousin, and arranged for the wheelchair to be bought.

Me: Brie, go get that mother explicit wheelchair. We have big plans for it.

Brie: It's 75 dollars, and Hannah gave me $11.

And just like that my dreams were crushed. I told Brie to show some boob to waver the seller, but she said "what boob?" So, obviously that is out of the picture.

If you'd like to donate to The Wheelchair Fund, feel free to wire me some money and I'll see that it goes to our cause.

I have a _________

I have decided I have a something. I use the word something because I cannot decide how to accurately define my something. Let me explain: In the past 30 days I have bought seven different books. I don't know where this flair is coming from, but the rate at which I buy books has increased dramatically. I am finding that niche I have always wanted to have. Except, it isn't a very popular or extroverted genre of life skills.
I am a reader. I read. A lot. Lots of different books. Often. 

Therefore, I have decided I have a problem. Or a fixation. Or a something. 
As I may have mentioned before, The Bloggess is one of my favorite blogs to follow. Jenny Lawson, the author, has a new book which will be released this week (I am extremely excited about this). She will be going on a book tour, and will be hitting all of the biggest cities in the nation. One of them being the Barnes & Noble on the upper east side of New York. My curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to check out how awesome the B&N was on the fancy side of NYC. 

And then, my mind was blown.

Two revolving doors!?!?!? :O

Taken from http://store-locator.barnesandnoble.com/store/2278

This is some sort of glorious structure made by God-sent men. Or women. Either way, someday, I wish to explore this fantastic place. In actuality, I would probably take a trip to New York just to venture around and tour all of the bookstores they have in the city. And in actual actuality, that would probably be my ideal trip to NYC. Or anywhere, for that matter. Touring bookstores. 

Most people have an obsession with clothing or music or... or stuff.
I have an emotional fixation on written texts. There it is, folks. First step to recovery is acceptance, amiright?

Star Wars is screwing with my emotional welfare.

First, I must say bravo to Georgie Lucas and his brilliant mind. But I have a few complaints.

B and I have been watching Star Wars this week-- more so, re-watching because it has been so long since I've seen the series and I want to watch them fully as an adult in sequential order so that I understand them to their fullest.

I completely had no idea what I was getting myself into.

I mainly have serious issues with Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. There is such a lack of character developement in this movie that I was left screaming at my TV in rage because none of it made logical or emotional sense. Anakin made such a quick transition to the "dark side," leaving behind all of his previous emotions. Shit don't hap'n like dat. There is an order and a process of how people grieve and lose their mind.

His decision to serve the Chancellor Palpatine is made on a whim. The Chancellor humored his pathetic whining for a short period of time, and then all of the sudden Ani is buddy-buddy with him? The only developement there between Palpatine and Anakin was when Palp convinced Ani to kill Count Dooku. It wasn't the "Jedi Way" but since when the hell did Ani care, anyhow? He said the same thing to Mace Wandu when he was battling Palpatine, but then shortly thereafter made his pledge to the dark side of the force which went against his lifelong mentor, Obi-Wan, and the love of his life and mother of his children, Padme. They used Anakin killing the Younglings (Can't lie, cried at this part) as one of the quickest ways to show how evil he had become. YET AGAIN, not enough development.

I'd go into more detail, but at this point i've cried too many tears over this movie and now I feel resentment.
Anyway, Epsd III definitely should have been split into two movies so that they could fully develop the characters, making it not-so-shitty. I am still a fan, but I can't wait to watch 4-6 so that these works of genius (maybe not-so-genius) can redeem themselves. I remember 4-6 being much more awesome, anyway.

I am leaving you with a joke I just made up because i'm oh-so funny.
Before Obi-Wan was a Jedi Master, he was just a Pad-Ewan...

GET IT?!?!?!?

The strangers I live with.

As many of you don't know, I moved to the university where I did my first year of college (the grace period between then and now was a tragic time in my life where I learned a lot. That story is for another time).

I am a sophomore living in a dorm. I have a freshman roommate whom I have never before met in my life. It is not an enticing situation to me. Luckily, I got a sane roomie. For the most part, anyway (we are all mostly crazy, in my opinion.) She doesn't like socializing very much, though.

Scene: I turned the TV on and shuffled through some channels until I came upon Grease


Me: Oh wow! We got a classic on tonight, B!

B: 


Me: Damn, they had style back then.

B: 


Unfortunately, I turned around to see her with headphones on; those big kind that Jay-Z, Hipsters, and Asians wear. Naturally they block out everything, even the sound of your own farts. So, I had no hope of conversing with her like regular roommates.

I suppose my relationship with B is better than the one that I have with my suite mates. Lastnight, I was about to get into the shower and one of my suitemates silently opened her door (which happens to be right next to the shower), so when I turned around, she scared the ever-living piss out of me. The weird thing is, she didn't say anything. It was a silent and terrifying moment for me.

I live in a weird Twilight Zone with zombies. And introverted girls.

... Great.

I'm thankful for Thanksgiving.

My Thanksgiving went a little like this:

Starve until mid afternoon, smelling all the food being prepared and not being able to eat until the complete feast is ready

Drink wine on empty stomach, get buzzed

Finally feast. Get so full, you can only move your ass to the couch (in my case, the floor) and lay in misery for an hour only able to get enough energy to text someone back

Get up from being turkey drunk and feel rejuvenated

Make way back to kitchen, feast more, mostly on dessert that you didn't have room for before

Lay back down

Time in-between eating becomes less as the night goes on

Spend hours eating and preparing for Black Friday Assault

Eleven thirty: gather shopping warriors in family and begin the adventure

Wait outside Kohls, doors open at midnight. Watch drunk kid jostle his junk in front of man in car

Doors open to Kohls, the chaos begins

Spend five minutes darting to the things on your list to get at store, then find line

Line is in the back of the store, Wait in line for an hour to pay

Exhaustion takes you after first ten minutes of waiting

... Two more stores to go.

3 a.m.: Fall asleep, having dreams of British Literature class being held at a store during Black Friday

I'm never doing that again. But, I did get a cool memory foam floor mat for my bathroom.

Cheers to those partying Pilgrims and Indians all those years ago.

Because this is awesome.

Fuck. Yes. I am going to order it for next year.

"You have a beluga whale, mine is bigger, like a great blue whale."

My conversation today with Farmboy:

Me: Whale you be my friend? .________________.

Farmboy: Haha, nice.

Me: YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION SHAWN!

Farmboy: I will be your friend.

Me: NO. You are SUPPOSED to say "Yes, I whale be your friend .______________. "

Farmboy: Yes, I whale be your friend .________.

Me: That was the most precious thing you have ever said to me :3 Whale be friends forever! ._________________.

Farmboy: Yes we whale ._________.

There is hope for him, ladies and gentleman.